-08.26.2024-
Today is the first day of my college life. Maybe it is because I was encouraged to (or actually reminded of) keep journalling yesterday on a seemingly reading seminar (but a group-therapy-like event) I could take advantage of being here at Abu Dhabi (which means free and easy access to manage my website) and start writing when waiting for laundries to be done.
If you ask me why I paused for over four months (sorry, but honestly, it's just me wanna telling you this), I would say that my life has been really hard, somewhat beyond my imagination, and really well at the same time. In fact, I've jotted down many inspirations, topics, issues, etc., that I'd like to vomit on, aka. reflecting and expressing personal opinions. I've also composed several lyrics for my original music - they are barely done but are at least something to keep on.
To get back on track, I had my first college-level course, Mixing and Mastering Techniques, with a cohort of sophomore/junior students (I presume). I'd say I love the class in terms of my first-order experience. On the other hand, just as my teacher, Prof. Matteo, stated, listening is something that belongs to second-order or even third-order. My second-order curiosity after the first class resonates out loud with a question that has been hovering around my head for some days.
As a self-regarded audio engineer, mixing engineer, PA engineer, producer, etc., I believe I have examined how these "businesses" are enriching me at some point - although it must have been subconsciously; otherwise, I would have remembered. If I try to Stay True as the title of this year's recommended reading of NYUAD suggests, the source of my pleasure and enjoyment in doing these, whether for myself or for others, could be a combination of unleashing the desire to play with intricate and expensive toys, improving something that is whether terrible or great towards a higher beauty, enabling myself to nurture subjectiveness and objectiveness in music at the same time, dominating and in charging of the final products, even unnoticeably, of collective efforts, etc. Among all these possibilities, the last one is especially underlined in my class this afternoon.
My professor said that we, as mixing engineers, are paid for our taste. To my understanding, it indicates the trusted and entitled right to make decisions in the final stage of the birth of beauty- just like how my last secret pleasure twinkles. However, although I'd love to 100% believe in this faith, and I regard it as the ideal role an audio/mixing/PA engineer could undertake, I have to question (or at least be critical and say that) if this is just our illusion to self-recognize in this ever-faster world of production and profit-chasing.
As a matter of fact, the idea of whether the mixing engineer is the modern version of a conductor was raised in a conversation with my friend back then when we hadn't graduated from high school. I then tried to explain the question of "what mixing is" to somebody who virtually had no experience in music production but only regular listening. I initially denied this analogy brought by my friend from a perspective of keeping the role of conducting on its pedestal as I myself am also in the fancy of classical music - in other words, I do have some particular illusion towards it as well. I rebutted: "A conductor has much more to take care of (compared to a mixing engineer's responsibility that we've discussed)." It is true in terms of a conductor's role in relation to music - I still believe so. However, I discovered that this analogy does have a rationale that I would take.
Just to name a few overlapped "functions" a mixing engineer and a conductor typically has: being in charge of the balance (of frequencies, dynamics, emotions, etc.) among instruments, parts, sections, pieces, etc. It seems to me that there is something, at least a solid technical aspect, shared by the two seemingly disparate roles. However, when it comes to the realm beyond technical specificities, I can hardly take a stance for now. In fact, I do believe each of these two roles has its uniqueness, which the other one is especially limited in. For example, a mixing engineer can theoretically devote an infinite amount of time to refining one piece, while a conductor may only have limited time, in other words, studying the music, rehearsing with the ensemble/orchestra, and the performance itself, to exert the magic. Reversedly speaking, a conductor could engage in the comparatively early stage of the production (arranging, rehearsing, etc.) to form the music, while mixing engineers mostly deal with the music afterward. On top of that, there is also the difference in their granularity in tweaking the music - a mixing engineer would have tools fine-tuned to exact details their analogy or digital system allows (in other words, to have precise editing and modifying with gears and software), while a conductor interacts with people - whether it's one performer or it's a section in the orchestra.
As I've said, I do have that idealized illusion towards conducting to some extent, but I also have the desire to realize and recognize the significance of the role I played and, more importantly, to scrutinize its potential and even put it further. That being said, although due to the previous environment I was in, I had to do many of the repetitive works and barely had anything to do with "actual artistic choice" per se, I would not rush to a conclusion to praise one side and dismiss the other (like some of the "professionals" I saw online did). To find myself an answer is part of the exact reason I'm still on this track, in a sense.
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