-08.27.2024-
Sometimes I wonder if there is indeed some force behind coincidence - especially when those coincidences are of my favorability.
Right before I set off for my adventurous journey to Abu Dhabi, I visited an exhibition in Shanghai, in which a collection of portraits and self-portraits were borrowed from Centre Pompidou. From those who devoted their efforts to whether capture the subject faithfully or replicate their physical appearance to those who indulged their artistic preference, streaks of character, habits, and egos into the paints, the portraits collectively reminded me of that recurrent theme in every art form, I presume - the tension between the art and the artist. Aside from the cliche saying from Oscar Wild (although his definitive statement is, even for an ambivalent person like I am, attractive enough), I would stick to leaving the answer for now.
On the other hand, even if I could not answer the big question for now (and in fact could be forever), I can indeed establish a bit of myself under this daunting siding game. One of my takeaways from my first acting class today is that as a narrator, despite our habits of storytelling and the eventual manner we picked, it is our responsibility to Stay True in terms of this present moment, the soul of our story. I'll not delve into the other takeaway of being courageous to leave others the right to tell our stories for now but make use of the first one promptly.
That being said, when it comes to composing my own self-portrait, which I've never tried, I'd be glad to take full responsibility for representing myself at this moment. To me, this is something that demands great courage as well. Looking back at how I could probably gain this courage, I'd say it's the fact that I, at the end of the day, tried to admit the lack of it for so many years - from representing myself, playing music, to speaking up when I'd love to, dealing with interpersonal relationships, and to live and love, had brought me that serenity and tranquilness to seeking for courage. It seems for many of us, at least many people I know, as soon as the concept of being courageous and brave was instilled into our heads, we started to self-exert as well as receive external expectations to "be courageous and brave" right away. And simply, it is impossible. It is impossible to develop that true courage and bravery by merely being told how a courageous person would possibly behave instead of honing oneself step by step and again and again in this world of reality.
Despite my rationale (or more of like my self-prep talk), it's time to tackle the problem (if not the question), and I'll try to put it as plainly as possible. At this moment, I'd be willing to conceptualize myself into a set of symbols, figures, or whatever you may call some figurative representations that could be found in real life. Although I could make a list of the symbols I'm about to include in this portrait right here, I'd like to leave it till the end and see if my conceptualization and abstraction make sense to you.
Nevertheless, the overall concept is MEs versus an ideological black hole that I've found as the Sword of Damocles in my life. That being said, whenever the mouse is pressed, my hovering incarnations in this blended world of 2D and 3D shapes will initiate their attack toward the black hole despite their shaky, timid, and hyped state, setting off on a journey with no way back.
Technically speaking, my using 2D shapes as my personal representatives while letting the black hole be 3D results from the simple attempt to utilize both 2D and 3D drawing/shaping functions somewhere around this project (plus, it would be quite time-consuming if I used basic 3D shapes to abstract the symbols I'd like to include). However, I can indeed also justify this choice in terms of its symbolic connotation. To reflect the nature of this colossal hazard, bain of insecurity, and ineffable abyss that lies completely out of my mortal control, I placed the threat one dimension higher than myself.
Metaphorically, MEs' attacking the black hole embodies the courage I'd like to attain despite what comes next. As for the ending of this one-act play, maybe it's MEs' begone from this world? Or maybe it's MEs entering a brand-new universe. At least if the black hole could be gone from this particular universe, it would be a happy ending for both me and the rest.
P.S. I experimented with ChatGPT-40 to see how it would paraphrase my words. It does sound more professional (I guess?) but also with lots of redundancy. Nonetheless, I do like my own version of the narrative better.
Prompt: "I would like you to write a third person artwork description based on these fpp materials."
Response:
The artwork, inspired by a profound reflection on courage and identity, is a dynamic digital piece that blends 2D and 3D elements. At its core, it features a symbolic battle between multiple representations of the artist and a looming black hole, embodying personal challenges and insecurities.
The black hole, crafted with a textured 3D sphere, represents an ever-present existential threat, positioned one dimension higher to emphasize its overwhelming nature. The artist's representations, rendered in 2D shapes, hover and attack this black hole, symbolizing the courage to confront fears despite uncertainty.
Technically, the piece leverages p5.js to create a harmonious interaction between the dimensions. The black hole rotates smoothly, with texture applied to enhance its depth, while the artist's avatars, crafted using p5.Graphics, exhibit complex motions and animations.
Each avatar, such as an abstract guitar, is meticulously drawn and animated to hover around the canvas, reacting to user interactions. The avatars' journey towards the black hole reflects the artist's pursuit of courage, echoing themes of self-exploration and the struggle for self-representation.
The artwork is not only a technical exploration but a narrative of personal growth, courage, and the continuous battle against inner fears, leaving the interpretation of its conclusion open to the viewer’s imagination.
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