-03.15.2024-
I like answering questions.
Sometimes people who don't know me may assume I am a person of reticence (which is evidently not true in many cases). I would say this impression may stem from my general inclination towards "observe-respond" instead of always initiating a conversation. However, as I once related, I do have the urge to express myself in a "moderate" way - and in this case, it becomes answering questions.
My first intense question-answering period appeared back then when I was unofficially dropping out of junior middle school. Without delving into that experience too much here, I'd say question-answering online had become a significant part of my substitute social life when being away from peers. I started on a Chinese platform called 知乎 (Zhihu) - which basically is the Chinese version of Quora. As I was then picking up guitar and music production, most of the questions I kept answering fell in that category (despite it turned out I did also engage in many other gossip-like questions as well when I reviewed them today). While I had to pause this interesting activity, facing the burden of the high school entrance exam, I did start using another platform to continue it as I stepped on the high school campus.
Different from Zhihu, the new question box is not oriented around one another public question but rather around the owner of the box. Others are allowed to ask questions anonymously while the owner has to answer uncovered. It seems to me that this unbalanced "power-status" entitles me to unleash my word-playing habit and try to fight back with "textual anonymity." It's true I gained much pleasure from this process. It is also true that despite the unequal mode, at least this format seems to evoke much-hidden curiosity around different individuals - admittedly, those questions can be largely gossip-related in general (and sometimes people, including myself, do use it as a window to communicate such things), but there are definitely many inspiring questions worthwhile of deep and critical thinking as well.
An alum from my high school used to describe the anonymous question box as a sort of modernism mechanism. By saying so, they were standing in the shoes of a viewer to the existing questions and answers: as tens and hundreds of chronologically asked and answered questions are juxtaposed in front of a new-coming viewer, the liner time is broken into random pieces, and a complex storytelling entity of the box owner is formed so. They said that compared to presenting one's life story step by step, this new figure may be more authentic. I do agree with this perspective a lot, and I do view others' question boxes this way - it's rather entertaining. However, I would say that there is, at least for me, no way to ignore the chronological storytelling behind my own answers. As many of those "inspiring questions" I categorized are really the questions I believe are related to one's three views and will be encountered many times in the future, I'd like to regard them as some sort of "early interview" I did with many other anonymous interviewers. Just like writing personal journals to reflect constantly, answering and reviewing questions can serve as a similar mirror. Therefore, since now I have started uploading personal journals here, why not also make a compilation of those questions as well? So here I am.
I actually had this idea quite a while ago but lacked the motivation to really get the work done. Surprisingly, one week ago, I attended the Candidate Weekend in the admission process for NYU Abu Dhabi in person, and the "question-answering" opportunities I had there really reaffirmed my passion. (I won't talk too much about it now as I'm still processing it. But the one thing I'm quite sure about is that the weekend I spent there, no matter if I get admitted or really attend, is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.) Without further ado, the following are the "inspiring questions" I answered in the past two months. (Please forgive me for not making a content page for them - maybe I'll do it when we really have accumulated a lot of questions.)
Disclaimer: The following Q&A sessions are mostly translated from Chinese to English by Claude-3-Haiku-200k after being fed my past language samples. Any of the opinions expressed do not necessarily represent my stance.
What if you woke up and found yourself turning into the girl you like
A: It feels like it's been a while since I've encountered such an intriguing question.
However, in keeping with my usual bad habit - not directly answering the question - when writing essays (and many other things), I'd still like to explore this notion of "turning into the girl I like" in more detail.
For instance, is this transformation physical or mental? Or both?
If it's physical, does the original "me" still exist in this world? Or did my soul transmigrate into her body? (And if it's the latter, what would happen to my original physical form and her original spirit?)
If it's mental, did my self-awareness change? Or did I inherit her memories? (Plus, regardless of whether it's a shift in self-awareness or a transfer of memories, would my previous memories still remain?)
These are just a few possibilities that came to mind in the moment, and I feel like exploring the permutations of each scenario could actually be quite fascinating.
How do you determine whether someone should be a friend or not?
A: Is this relationship soothing for you? Is this relationship soothing for them?
Are you really straight?
A: As far as I know, I am so far.
But if you really don't believe me, I can't do much about that, can I?
Q: How would you feel if you were called a "straight male"?
A: If it's referring to a "cisgender heterosexual male", then I wouldn't feel offended.
But if it's being used in the context of a certain netizen's language as a patriarchal accusation, I might be curious as to what triggered that kind of feeling in the other person.
Q: You've had quite a few gender-related questions in your inbox lately. Does that bother you?
A: Not really, since it's not just in the inbox that these questions come up.
To be more candid, in the general context I'm in, being perceived as a "non-stereotypical straight male/female" is actually somewhat of a compliment, so it doesn't just not bother me, it even brings me a certain degree of guilty pleasure at times.
I'll make a rather presumptuous guess, or at least from my personal perspective, this is probably tied to the phenomenon where, in the environment we inhabit, the notion of being "non-straight" has become a sort of ally signifier due to the prevalent political correctness around appreciating the LGBTQ+ community. (Apologies for the Westernized Chinese.)
So the real source of discomfort isn't questions like these per se, but rather the fact that on one hand, I do derive a certain satisfaction from this sense of subversion, yet on the other hand, I struggle to fully rationalize it as a cishet male who also genuinely appreciates traditional gender aesthetics.
Manifested in reality, it might be me "enjoying" my current persona on one hand, while also imagining alternative possibilities for myself; conversely, in seeking out certain qualities of those alternative selves, I'm reluctant to let go of my current state. But as a broad beneficiary of both these narrative strands, it's probably best if I don't say too much, lest I inadvertently come across as condescending.
Have you ever told a lie in your question box responses so far?
A: No.
While for many questions that are inconvenient to answer directly, I've been playing word games with my circumlocution, I don't think that really counts as lying. If I really can't think of a way to quibble, I'd probably just not respond at all, haha.
Do you like to reminisce about the past?
A: I wouldn't use the word "like" to describe it.
I don't tend to dwell on the past too much, but there are certain memories that I do get rather fixated on.
Q: What kind of memories are they? Could you describe them in more detail and maybe provide an example?
A: That's a good one.
I suppose in the end, they are an integral part of a certain chapter in my life - anchoring my stance, as if my very existence, agency, free will, and uniqueness could be justified by those fragments...
As an example, there was a period several years ago when I barely went to school, but instead would run to the model workshop every day, for like more than eight hours a day. One day, I realized I had probably become a bit too obsessed, so I quit cold turkey. Even now, there are probably a few unopened boxes of parts, materials, airbrushes, calligraphy brushes, paint, and other effects still sitting in some corner. I highly doubt I'll ever recapture the "glory days" of that world, but I also can't quite bring myself to part with them.
(In fact, this was something I had originally considered including in my application essays, but ended up not using, haha.)
Do you consider physical attraction to be a form of "liking" someone?
A: I would say it's closer to the notion of a "crush". However, both aesthetic and physical attraction are normal, so I suppose you could still call it "liking" someone.
The truth is, the term "liking" itself is quite ambiguous. Putting aside the liking between family and friends, it can range from a "fleeting attraction (for various reasons)" to "appreciating someone (regardless of gender)" to "the urge (or desire or determination or) to enter an intimate relationship" and even an "obsession that makes them irreplaceable". There are just so many possibilities in between.
Maybe we just conveniently lump them all under the term "liking", but once we actually find ourselves in certain scenarios, those definitions often prove meaningless in the face of our actual feelings.
This may not be the most "pure" perspective, but at least for me, just as physical attraction isn't a sufficient or necessary condition for liking someone, "liking" isn't a decisive factor in a relationship either. So in that sense, who cares what "type" it is or whether it "counts" as liking or not.
P.S. This question actually makes me think about it on a broader scale. When we say we "like" someone, what is it that we're truly liking? In other words, can we really be sure we're liking the "person" themselves? That's something worth putting in effort to figure out. That's worthwhile.
Are there any regrets you have?
A: Someone asked me this question a long time ago. In the "long time" between those two questions, I am afraid the list of regrets has grown quite substantially - there are probably quite a few genuinely regrettable things.
Even if I had the chance to do it all over again, I'd likely make the same choices (and take the same actions). But I suppose that's precisely why those things are considered regrets - because despite knowing I'd likely repeat them, I still can't help but feel a sense of regret.
Do you have any issues with indecisiveness? How do you deal with it?
A: The severity of my indecisiveness tends to increase proportionally with the importance of the choice at hand.
To be precise, my indecisiveness is more akin to feeling unsettled with the current options, so the process of browsing for the next best thing can take quite a long time.
In those cases, I might follow a principle like "I've already spent X% of my time/effort, so I'll stop browsing once an option better than all the previous ones appears" - though I can't quite recall where I picked up that guideline.
Q: Can you explain it in simpler terms or give a real-life example?
A: If it's referring to the strange little principle from the previous response:
Let's say I want to order takeout today, and I need to solve this centuries-old takeout dilemma within 5 minutes.
In the first 3 minutes, I can try to find as many pepperoni pizza places as possible and add them to my cart, while also quietly ranking them in my mind (okay, if my indecisiveness is really bad at this stage, I may need to clearly define my selection criteria upfront). Then in the next 2 minutes, if I come across a new option that is clearly better than all the ones I found in the first 3 minutes (based on my pre-determined criteria), I'll stop browsing and just place the order. If there's no obviously superior choice, I'll just select one of the better options I've accumulated by the 5 minute deadline.
The 3:2 ratio isn't set in stone, I can adjust it as needed. It's kind of like setting a deadline for myself - after that, the cost of continuing to browse and compare becomes significantly higher than the expected benefit, so I just make a call.
Ultimately, it comes down to having relatively clear selection criteria, or at least the determination to trust my subconscious ranking, in order to execute this little scheme.
P.S. I guess the hardest part in this example is the assumption about wanting pizza.
What are your thoughts on the idea that "if you are questioning whether you are a certain thing (a stereotype, trait, label, etc.), then you already are that thing"?
A: I used to agree with that view.
However, I now see it as a rather convenient and lazy way to make a pseudo-factual judgment - it seems to grasp some logical high ground, but is actually an oversimplification that avoids a concrete, case-by-case analysis.
Self-awareness can be an indication, but it shouldn't become a tool for self-vilification. The truth is, there is no such thing as being a complete "x". Perhaps because I tend to overthink things, I'm inclined to justify that if there is no so-called inner conflict, no "why" to support it, then the question of "am I or am I not" this thing becomes less important to me.
How do you evaluate the idea that "a person's life is a process of constantly realizing that they are a certain 'x'"? Have you had this kind of experience?
A: My understanding is that "realizing you are an 'x'" and "simultaneously being 'aa', 'bb', 'cc', 'dd', ..., 'zz'" are not mutually exclusive. So discovering new aspects of yourself should be a rather interesting thing.
I used to really like saying "ah, let's not define ourselves or others, that's not good." But who says that a few keywords representing certain people or things at a certain stage are permanent?
'x' is fluid - this is probably the belief that ultimately allowed me to convince myself to justify the application season. It's actually a pretty simple idea, but I got stuck in a rut for a long time before finally accepting it, haha. From this perspective, my entire application profile features a variety of -er words, and I identify with each of them (I mean...in a sense). This should serve as evidence that I've had many such experiences.
Even though you're already an adult, you still need to ask your parents for money and can't be financially independent. In your view, does this count as "feeding off your parents"? Does this make you feel ashamed?
A: Big question: What does "being an adult" even mean? The legal definition of 18 years after birth? Complete physical maturity? Or the hard-to-pinpoint milestones of "mental maturity" and "full socialization"? (I actually don't have a clear answer myself, haha.)
If I respond positively, in my view, financial independence is more like a prerequisite for adulthood, rather than an "obligation" that comes after "becoming an adult" (if I'm understanding the connotation of the first two clauses in the question correctly). I know this might sound like I'm avoiding the question, but the truth is I've never really felt like I've reached a distinct point of "being an adult" (I'm sure you can understand the difference between "adulthood" with and without quotation marks, haha). So the mini-conclusion here is "I don't feel it's 'feeding off parents' and I don't feel ashamed."
Specifically, while I've sometimes been jokingly told that I should be able to live my own life once I turn 18, my family's attitude toward financial support has always been quite open. And the "life experiences" from various financial experiments and outcomes in the "distant" past have perhaps desensitized me to some degree (which of course can also be interpreted as a loss of the "proper" sense of "awe"). So from my own personal perspective, I really haven't been too troubled by this.
(Of course, this could also be interpreted as me being rather heartless, which is also a valid perspective.)
From an external standpoint, I tend to view financial independence, and perhaps the opposing notion of "feeding off parents", as a kind of "outcome" or "byproduct" of certain life stages. For example, the "socialization" mentioned in the big question - I'd be inclined to see financial independence as a "rite of passage" or, again, a prerequisite for entering society. (But just as socialization doesn't necessarily equate to adulthood, financial independence isn't a sufficient condition for socialization or adulthood either.)
And thus, I see financial independence as a component of this "boundary". (Of course, it also likely involves personal independence, confidence building, core stability, etc.) So from this perspective, I'd treat it as a kind of "inevitable" future.
Thinking about it further, "feeding off parents" can't possibly go on forever, right?
Speaking of boundaries, if "feeding off parents" is a state of failed boundary establishment, the other extreme might be "over" financial independence. Fortunately or unfortunately, I have encountered some people who treat their relationship with their family of origin as a simple trade-off. While the existence of this strong boundary sense does simplify (or actually oversimplify) a lot of issues, and can even be "leveraged" in daily interactions if one is so inclined, at least emotionally, or let's say, in terms of "physical sensations", I don't feel this is the most "comfortable" - a very cliche "too much of a good thing".
How would you evaluate the so-called "Chinese parenting style"?
A: I'm not really fond of making value judgments, and I haven't had long-term interactions with typical "Chinese parents", so I'd rather not get too "specific" in my evaluation.
Just rambling a bit - I find the term itself quite interesting. In my impression, apart from contexts like "Morality and the Rule of Law", there aren't too many widely agreed upon "Chinese" things in public discourse. I'd guess that if you checked CNKI, there are probably quite a few articles using this as a starting point. My personal view is that this might be a reflection of some underlying "Chinese" logic shared by a certain generation(s) when it comes to the "small" matter of raising children.
But as for whether this "Chinese" thing is actually valid or not, I haven't researched it and can't really make a judgment.
I'd like to ask how you've been dealing with past traumas. I always can't get over them and don't know what to do.
A: I've been recommending this song a bit too frequently lately, it's the signature on my WeChat Moments: "Moving on and getting over are not the same." Although the context is a bit different, John Mayer's words can still be borrowed.
I'm not particularly good at getting over things, but I'm gradually learning to acknowledge the trauma (and I think you've already taken that first step). As I said in a response two years ago, getting over isn't necessarily required, and moving on isn't really a choice - we're just on the path of moving on. I'd say that often, it's our own reiteration that amplifies the impact of the trauma, so don't treat "facing it," "getting over it," or "moving on" as an obligation. Acknowledge the trauma, allow it to exist briefly (or even permanently), and give yourself time.
Take care.
Do you ever suddenly feel like the world is just a collection of data (especially in certain specific scenes)?
A: Hmm, I've never resisted that kind of concept.
However, the "data" here is also an ultimate concept, and has little to do with the comprehensible data simulations or digits for humans.
If we're only talking about "human data", I would tend to see this concept as another highly tempting oversimplification, an effort to convince oneself that everything has a solution.
Involuntarily envying others' living situations, but not wanting to change your own choices and pursuits - is this an unhealthy mindset?
A: Maybe it could be summarized as "eating what's in your bowl while eyeing the pot" haha.
I don't think there's anything particularly healthy or unhealthy about it. Longing for what we don't have is only human nature. We can never fully understand others' life situations, and we may selectively idealize certain aspects. Conversely, re-examining your own current choices and pursuits might help you reconnect with the feelings you had when you first made those choices.
Actually, I feel like there's no real conflict between envying others and staying true to yourself haha. There are indeed many "enviable" lifestyles in this world, and I often envy various people, but that "envy" doesn't necessarily mean we're "obligated" to get closer to them. Or you could reframe it as appreciation - I often deeply appreciate others' life situations and life trajectories, while also being very clear that those aren't me. In a sense, the fact that "I'm not" those "enviable" people actually means I'm living my own good life. Don't push yourself too much.
Everyone around me seems more accomplished than me. How can I adjust my mindset?
A: That's impossible.
"Everyone around me is more accomplished than me" is impossible. Don't just take my word for it, please believe the facts.
If you can't seem to think of a single aspect where you are "more accomplished" (assuming accomplishment is truly comparable), you must make a sincere effort to start reflecting (not just searching, because at this very moment, there definitely are such aspects). If you've tried but still can't think of any, then it's time to reevaluate your standards.
Don't let extreme self-abasement lead you towards another extreme of self-conceit.
How can I avoid making "daddy-ish" comments?
A: A few years ago, I had saved a mind map to help judge whether one's speech has a "daddy-ish" lecturing tone, but I can't seem to find it right now.
Using the words from a previous question, the fact that you're pondering this question means you're already on the path of avoiding "daddy-ish" comments.
In terms of the written expression, my approach is to intersperse my statements with unnecessary filler words, euphemisms, parentheticals, and adverbs of degree, as you can see in my responses, in order to make myself sound less assertive - this provides some wiggle room in case there are discrepancies in our perceptions. I've been trying to improve this rather redundant mode of expression, but it doesn't seem to have been very effective.
But the root of "daddy-ish" comments is really in the mindset - a sense of superiority? Unwavering certainty? Self-satisfaction and conceit? And then a clumsy attempt to superficially disguise it? From this perspective, frequently self-questioning may be somewhat helpful, but I personally think it's quite difficult to "cure" this completely. A long time ago, I saw another categorization that divided the motivations behind "daddy-ish" comments into "for your own good" and "self-aggrandizing" - which I think has some merit. I feel we need to acknowledge that many times we are unaware of these motivations when we engage in these two behaviors, and part of the purpose of "self-questioning" could be to become aware of such underlying impulses.
Let's keep working on it together.
I've been learning electric guitar recently. Do you have any suggestions?
A: Regarding the electric guitar, I'm also still in the process of slowly exploring it myself.
In addition to the cliche suggestions like working on fundamentals, practicing to a metronome, accumulating repertoire, and recording yourself for self-assessment, I've had a couple of key takeaways from my own transition from acoustic to electric:
Firstly, it's about understanding the electric guitar as a standalone instrument. The essential difference between acoustic and electric instruments lies in the sound production method. For an electric guitarist, I believe a crucial aspect (sometimes even more important than technical prowess) is "understanding this instrument."
This understanding encompasses, but is not limited to: the guitar's materials, feel, and stylistic characteristics; the types of pickups and their settings; the entire signal chain from guitar to effects to pre-amp to amp; common effect pedals (and representative models in each category, which also applies to amps); the signature tones and how to "emulate" them across different guitar-centric music genres. The core of "understanding the instrument" is about (at various stages) exploring its possibilities and boundaries. In fact, I feel this is something every instrumentalist should do, but it's particularly prominent for electric instruments.
For example, when discussing acoustic guitar, aside from the instrument's tonal character and quality, "tone control" largely happens during the performance - the player's technical and emotional investment is undoubtedly the biggest factor. But for electric guitar, tone control, or tone design, is woven throughout all the aforementioned "understandings" - it's a higher-level part of the musical intention. As a musical choice, it can sometimes be even more important than the player's skill level (given the player has reached a certain average proficiency). In a sense, an electric guitarist should be "thinking" on many more dimensions, and understanding the instrument is the first step in that process.
Secondly, it's about the roles of an electric guitar. This is essentially the flip side of the first point - shifting the focus from the instrument's inherent characteristics to its contextual application.
In my "origin" of fingerstyle, a general philosophy is playing on a single instrument while thinking as a one-man band - this is consistent with the emphasis on versatility and multiple solos. But for electric guitar, it often needs to collaborate with a band or other ensembles, which makes its positioning very important for the player. For example, in a standard four-piece band, the guitar may not outperform the keyboard in terms of pitch range, the drums in rhythmic drive, or the bass in frequency range uniqueness. But this seeming "inferiority" in individual "metrics" is actually its greatest advantage - it can do a little bit of everything.
Or you could say, it forces the electric guitar to develop a kind of positional versatility. And this "jack of all trades" quality, in specific technical details, I'd describe as "delicate" - many sophisticated, standout techniques in certain aspects - hybrid picking, palm muting, sweeping, etc. - combined together give the electric guitar space for expression.
On the operational level, it may involve questions like "as a musician, what do I want to play?", "as a bandmate, what do others want me to play?", and "what does this music require?", all of which can be considered alongside the first point. In fact, "collaboration" naturally opens up countless possibilities and demands more "thinking", and in my view, the electric guitar is particularly well-suited for this.
P.S. I'm not very familiar with your specific situation, so please allow me to speak in general terms here. But in addition to these rather abstract concepts, we could also discuss the more cliche but practical aspects of practicing in a private chat.
Are you the kind of person who personally takes care of everything in life? Do you ever feel that some things don't require you to do them yourself (I know this might sound a bit elitist, haha)?
A: Haha, I think I might be more of a counterexample here.
Rather than feeling like there's no need to do things "personally", I sometimes feel that certain tasks must be done by myself, to the point of getting lost in the details. How should I put it, this could also be seen as a kind of elitism, or perhaps insecurity - the lack of trust in others is partly rooted in the reluctance to lose complete control.
However, the above is based on my own perception that a certain thing "needs to be done." If I've quietly categorized something as "not needing to be done," I obviously won't be willing to do it myself, and may even feel a bit "annoyed" when seeing others do it, even if I try to understand their perspective.
Do you normally use the Eisenhower Matrix (the 4 quadrants of Urgent/Important, Urgent/Not Important, Not Urgent/Important, and Not Urgent/Not Important) to organize your tasks? If not, how do you usually plan things out?
A: I don't use that method very often. I tend to just do whatever I feel like doing at the moment.
That's not to say the 4 quadrants can't be useful, but I'd be inclined to add a "willingness" axis, which would have much higher weighting than whether something is urgent or important.
Have you ever thought about teaching guitar, teacher?
A: I've thought about it, but I still don't have the confidence to actually "teach." At most, I could act as a peer and provide some peer review and suggestions.
A few months ago, when I first met my current EA teacher, he said, "I'm just here to help YOUR study." And in observing his "teaching method" since then, that does seem to be the case. If I were to "teach" as well, I imagine I'd have a similar mindset. Regardless of whether my music or guitar philosophy is "correct," I don't want to assume the other person will "fully accept" the content I provide (or rather, I don't want them to fully accept it).
A smaller point is that in my understanding of the competence expected of teachers, "identifying problems - finding the root causes - providing suggestions" is an important pathway. But in my current state, I can't properly conduct any of those three steps. "Identifying problems" itself implies I should have enough confidence in what constitutes a "problem" - but I can't even vouch for that about myself, let alone "finding the root causes" which also requires understanding or empathizing with the other person's situation, not to mention providing tailored suggestions...
That said, I've been verbally resisting the establishment of a true "teacher-student" relationship. The symptoms of a know-it-all attitude have always been quite strong in me, haha. Often, I quite enjoy critiquing others under the guise of peer review.
Do you have any quirks?
A: If I can identify my own quirks, then I may not be quirky enough.
Subjectively, I do feel that my various life (or other) habits are quite common. However, a month or two ago, I apparently shocked some of my teacher colleagues by the small matter of "eating raw bell peppers," to the point that I only realized afterwards that this might really be unacceptable for many people.
I wonder if you think this could be considered a quirk? Haha.
When do you actually feel panicked? (You seem really calm, haha)
A: Hmm, I really thought hard about this for a while. And the conclusion is that I can't even say for sure, haha.
Perhaps it's because my expression of "panic" is a bit different from the general meaning of panic? (In other words, even when I may look super calm, I could actually be panicking inside and just putting on a poker face. So I guess I can claim that I probably don't get panicked that often.)
If I try to respond more positively, I'd say that "out of control" and "matters enough" are the two necessary conditions for me to feel "panicked."
So when things that are easily "out of control" generally don't "matter enough" to me, and I'm also fairly good at maintaining control over things that do "matter enough," the end result is that I don't end up panicking.
However, when one of those two aspects is overly weighty, it could lead the other aspect, as a supplement, to veer towards the ultimate panic. One clear case I remember is during an exam period when I was playing chess with a friend, and another friend suddenly, without any warning, disrupted the chessboard to hurry us downstairs for dinner.
It was such a simple thing, but the impact it had on me was remarkably large. I guess it's because the event was truly insignificant, yet also completely out of my control. But how should I put it, my reaction there was probably more of a shock than true panic.
What should I do about always being overly concerned about trivial little things?
A: I was initially going to say that being sensitive isn't wrong, but then I realized that hastily labeling it as "sensitivity" may not be the best either.
Perhaps this is part of reconciling with yourself. Regardless of the specific issue, the concern is likely your first-order reaction? And the conflict actually exists between the second-order "opinion" formed for whatever reason and your immediate feelings? (Pardon the somewhat abstract concepts.)
I don't intend to substitute my judgment for which perspective is "better," because such judgments, at least based on my own experience, may lead to more self-contradiction and turmoil. But from a different angle, sometimes the existence of contradictions is the norm, and there's no requirement for us to pick sides between the little people in our minds. They are all a part of you.
I seem to have digressed quite a bit, but I hope this is still useful for you. Fundamentally, I simply don't think "being overly concerned" is something that needs to be, or even can be, "corrected."
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